How do I start Coaching?

That one article about coaching that you were searching for...

If you ever want a crash course in coaching that sticks, makes you laugh, and tears you up at the same time, binge-watch Ted Lasso. As a full-time tech leader, mom, and occasional late-night philosopher, I’ve found this series more useful than half the leadership books on my shelf.

Coaching isn’t a technique, it’s a way of being. Ted Lasso didn’t just coach a football team. He coached hearts, minds, and mindsets. And guess what? That’s exactly what we do when we lead teams, raise kids, or even just talk to ourselves in the mirror before a big presentation.

So this article? It’s everything I’ve learned about coaching - from books, clients, toddlers, and yes, from a moustached man in a cardigan with a box of biscuits.

So what exactly is coaching (and what it’s absolutely not)

Let’s clear this up. Coaching is not giving advice. It’s not mentoring, therapy, cheerleading, or fixing someone’s problems. It’s helping someone think for themselves.

John Whitmore, in Coaching for Performance (2021), defined coaching as:
"unlocking a person's potential to maximize their own performance. It is helping them to learn rather than teaching them."

If you're telling, solving, or rescuing, you’re not coaching. You’re probably micromanaging (yes, even if it’s done with love).

Ted Lasso never had a clue about football. But he did know people. His gift was curiosity, not control. When everyone expected him to direct, he listened instead. Coaching is less about answers and more about questions.

What coaching sounds like?

My leadership style is ‘Coaching and Mentoring’. I use coaching and mentoring at work when someone on my team feels stuck. I use it at home when my child does things that frustrate me like throwing food on the floor. Coaching questions aren’t fancy. They’re powerful because they invite thought, not obedience.

Try these:

• What do you want to have happen?

• What’s getting in the way?

• How do you feel about this?

• If nothing changed, what would happen?

• What does success look like for you?

• And my personal favourite: What else? (Nancy Kline, Time to Think, 1999).

These questions slow people down. They pull thinking to the surface. They make space.

Coaching is not a therapy. But it’s therapeutic.

In Ted Lasso, one of the most moving arcs is Ted’s own unravelling. His panic attacks, grief, and trauma come bubbling up not because he failed as a coach, but because he tried to coach everyone except himself. Real coaching includes emotional honesty and openness with our ability to being coached. But we are not therapists. We are co-thinkers.

I once asked my nephew, “What’s going on for you today?” instead of “Why didn’t you do your homework?” We ended up in a conversation about loneliness, not laziness. That’s coaching.

Self-coaching: Talking yourself out of that mental traffic jam

You don’t need a coach in the room to be coached. You can self-coach. Every time I sit in a performance review or prep for a tough parenting moment, I ask:

• What am I assuming?

• What am I afraid of?

• What’s most important right now?

• What biases do I have?

This is a habit. Not a hack. And it’s more than mindfulness, it’s mental re-parenting.

As Michael Bungay Stanier puts it in The Coaching Habit (2016),
“Say less, ask more. Your advice is not as good as you think it is.”

Lead like Lasso, not like a lecturer

Ted Lasso never yelled tactics. He noticed pain points and grew people. He asked, “What’s going on with you?” even when someone messed up. He built trust by being vulnerable first.

Things you can try with your team:

• Weekly check-ins with one open-ended question.

• Ask, “What support would be most useful to you right now?”

• Reflect back on what you hear before jumping in with a strategy.

You’ll see an energy shift. Coaching isn’t soft. It’s smart. It multiplies impact.

Coaching your child: From control to connection

Yesterday, my child had a meltdown over wearing the teddy socks, not the fish ones. My instinct was to control. But I took a breath, sat down, and said, “What is making you sad, love?”

Turns out it wasn’t the socks. It was hunger.

Kids don’t need instructions. They need curiosity. Coaching your child is not letting them run wild, it’s letting them be seen, be heard and be loved.

Simple coaching tools for parents:

• Choices: “Would you like to brush your teeth first with a blue toothbrush or orange?”

• Reflection: “I see that you are angry, how shall we help you?”

• Curiosity: “What do you need from me right now?”

Making coaching a way of life

Imagine a workplace where people asked before they assumed. Where managers didn’t just evaluate but reflected. That’s a coaching culture.

David Clutterbuck, one of the pioneers of modern coaching, says,
“A coaching culture is one where coaching conversations are an everyday part of life” (Clutterbuck, 2005).

Here’s how to seed that culture:

• Start meetings with one coaching question.

• Encourage peer coaching circles.

• Reward curiosity, not just completion.

• Normalise saying, “I don’t know, but let’s think about it.”

The simplest framework that works: GROW

The GROW model (Whitmore, 2021) is a classic coaching tool:

• Goal – What do you want?

• Reality – What’s happening now?

• Options – What could you do? What else?

• Will – What will you do?

I’ve used this to solve conflicts at work, at home and also with friends. It’s structured but spacious.

Coaching when time is tight

I get it. You’re busy. But coaching doesn’t need an hour. It needs intention.

Try this 2-minute coaching:

• “What’s your next step?”

• “What’s another way of seeing this?”

• “What matters most here?”

You’re planting seeds. They’ll grow later.

Here’s how you can become a better coach,

• Start by listening. And then listen more.

• Drop the “fix it” reflex. Replace it with, “What do you need?”, “What do you think?”

• Get curious, not critical.

• Journal your own coaching moments. What worked? What didn’t?

• Join a coaching circle or community.

• Reading Recommendations: Coaching for Performance (Whitmore), The Coaching Habit (Stanier), Time to Think (Kline). Let me know in the comments if you’d like a summary of these books.

The coach in your corner

You don’t need a whistle, a whiteboard, or a wall of trophies to coach. You just need to care enough to listen, be brave enough to ask, and be wise enough to wait.

Whether I’m in a Zoom call or a playground sandbox, coaching shows up when I choose curiosity over control. Ted Lasso reminded me that coaching is not about being right, it’s about being real. And that, my friend, makes all the difference.

So go on. Ask the question. Hold the silence. And don’t forget to share those biscuits.

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Academician in me loves good references:

Clutterbuck, D. (2005). Coaching and Mentoring in Support of Management Development. Chartered Institute of Personnel and Development.

Kline, N. (1999). Time to Think: Listening to Ignite the Human Mind. Cassell Illustrated.

Stanier, M. B. (2016). The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever. Box of Crayons Press.

Whitmore, J. (2021). Coaching for Performance: The Principles and Practice of Coaching and Leadership. Nicholas Brealey Publishing.

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